Outsider o Extranjero

I have rarely felt this before in my life... Being a outsider, it's not like I am completely shunned, it's actually quite the opposite, but I am used to my support groups.  Only being away from these support groups have I realized how important they are and probably more important who they are...  Even at home seeing someone three times a year is good enough, even when you are kept in constant contact through texts/calls/facebook.  Well, I cannot text, but I have facebook here, also, I am able to call people despite receiving calls.  So 2/3 should be pretty good right? But I think the fact that I am NOT a car/train ride away from these people is where I have begun to realize, yes I am not on vacation, no, I am not going home soon.  I think this has to have occurred to people much earlier(It's May 5th, I got here March 19th).  But it's starting to hit me... starting to hit me like a rock the half size of a football right on the top of the head, or like running full speed into a brick wall.  Maybe it was getting robbed that triggered this unprepared feeling¿?..

I do not know, I am disoriented, this has hit me and I don't know if I'm struggling to get up or if  I am running full speed again. (probably the latter).

By outsider, I mean foreigner.  I don't understand everything, so people have resorted to bringing me to computers with the google translator or like one of three luncheon's I have been sat next to one of the english teachers.  However, these cases were rare and only meant for the explanation of things.  Most of the people I have met, being teachers and friends of my host-parents have been very nice, and overall good people.  But, there is still this feeling of being on the outside.  Something I've never really felt before.  I've always been in the middle of something or at least had friends experiencing the same thing.  This is a tough feeling to express.  I'm guessing only foreigners are the ones who can relate to this, but perhaps there are some people that feel like foreigners in their own countries...

Maybe I should have stayed home? What if I am not ready for this, I mean I'm going to be away for almost an entire year...

Haha, normal people ask these questions first. I planned on leaving the day after St. Patrick's Day. But I am not the kind of person who ask questions first. I do and ask later, this has gotten me in a lot of trouble and being in a foreign country this strategy isn't always the best.

Maybe this was the real reason I wanted to the leave the USA.  To be forced out of my comfort zone.  I am rarely out of comfort zone and when I am, I run at full speed at/with it.  To adapt, I have been playing football my entire life.  Went to college, because it was the next thing to do, football helped/sucked there too.  But what do I do now? Sure, I can adapt physically, but what about emotionally, what about adapting to a different language/culture? Am I doing well? Am I failing?

I would love these questions to be answered, but I am afraid of the answers.  Sure making friends has been tougher than I thought, well this is because I am weird and feel that I cannot call people.. That they must call me(I do have a couple of #'s) .  So I hang out with my host-parents, and their friend's a lot.  Like the baptism this past Saturday, I think in overall I am doing well and at least getting a full experience of chilean culture.

Probably the worst thing that could probably happen: My laptop`s screen just doesn't want to turn on.  Yea the laptop runs and I can hear the sound, just complete darkness.  Well that isn't as bad as it not working at all, it's just I need to go to Iquique, 4 hours away to the nearest apple store(I think it's the bulb).  I need to wait another 3 weeks for my creditcard to come in from my parents, as it got stolen when I was jumped.... And I don`t think I have enough money for a trip like that at the moment...

So I don`t know the next time I'll write the next post of the blog... I had already written most this, and I am inbetween classes at school...  So we'll see, maybe this is a good thing, I have to disconnect from home completely.  Which adds two points, my "fake" comfort zone here, was that, I have been able to talk to people at home, e-mail, skype, gmail voice(what I have been calling a few people at home on)... that is being taken away...  So now an overshift on my ability to adapt, and to get out of my comfort zone completely, let`s see how I do... 

One more thing, now I must lesson plan at school....